BCM Blog

Finally, a realistic guide to learning to play the saxophone!

Question:

Hi, is there someone who can give me some directions about playing the sax? I've just purchased one and would love to know how to play it. Some helpful weblinks would also be great!

Answer:

First things first. If you're a white guy, you'll need a stupid hat, the stupider the better, preferably a beret. Sunglasses are optional, but all the really really good players wear them, especially indoors.

You'll also need some "gig shirts" -- Hawaiians are good, in a pinch anything with a loud floral pattern is acceptable, as are T-shirts from various jazz clubs and festivals. Get them mail order, so you don't have to go to all the trouble of actually seeing live music. And sandals are an absolute must, even in winter.

Once you've assembled the proper attire you can begin practicing.

One of the most important things about playing is being able to convey emotion to the audience. This you do through various facial expressions. The two emotions you'll need to convey are (1) rapture/ecstasy and (2) soul wrenching pain/sadness (i. e., the blues).

You may find it useful in the beginning to borrow a page from the method acting school. So, for example, to convey rapture try thinking of something nice, like puppy dogs or getting a kiss from Uma Thurman while Phil Barone feeds you Armour hot dogs with truffle sauce.

To convey the "blues" try thinking of something really really appalling, like ulcerative colitis or Alec Baldwin. Practice your facial expressions in front of a mirror at least two hours per day. You may feel a tad stupid at first, but you'll never get the chicks if you don't jump around on stage like a monkey with your face all screwed up like there's a rabid wolverine in your colon, believe you me. And bottom line, chicks is really what music's all about.

Next, you'll need the correct ligature. Some people think that the ligature is just a stupid piece of old metal that holds the reed on the mouthpiece.

Well, those people are idiots. Besides your beret, your ligature is the single most important piece of musical equipment you will ever buy. Mine, for example, is 40% platinum and 60% titanium; one screw is rubidium and the other plutonium. It makes me sound exactly like Booker Ervin would if Booker Ervin were (1) not dead and (2) on Mars, if (2)(a) there was oxygen on Mars.

You may have to spend years and years and thousands of dollars finding the proper ligature, but in the end it will definitely be worth it.

Now: reeds. Optimally you'll want to move to the South of France, grow and cure your own cane and carve your own reeds by hand. If you're just a "weekend warrior" however, you can get by with store-bought. First, buy ten boxes of reeds, that's 100 in all. Next, open all the boxes and throw away 60 reeds. Those were unplayable. Take the remaining reeds and soak them in a mixture of
27.8% rubbing alcohol and 72.2% pituitary gland extract for a period of 17weeks.

Throw away 20 more reeds. Those were stuffy. Take the remaining 20 reeds and sand each one for exactly 13 seconds with #1200 grade 3M sandpaper. Throw away 14 reeds. Those squeaked. Take the remaining 6 reeds and soak them for another 17 weeks, this time however in a mixture of 27.8% pituitary gland extract and 72.2% rubbing alcohol. Sun dry the 6 remaining reeds for 3 weeks, optimally at an equatorial latitude, and throw away 3 more just on general principles. You now have 3 reeds that will last you several months if you play each one only 20 minutes a day in strict rotation.

Now, you say you just bought a horn. Although you didn't say what kind it is, I'd sell it immediately and get a different one. The best one to get would be a Selmer Mark VI made at 4:27 PM on June
14, 1963, serial number 135543. If you can't get that one though, generally speaking the older and more expensive the better. The following brands are good: Selmer Paris Mark VI.

The following brands suck: any other Selmer, Yamaha, Conn, Beuscher, Yanigasawa, Cannonball, LA, Jupiter, Elkhart, King, Martin, Keilworth, Boosey and Hawkes, Couf, Silvertone, and Holton.

On no account should you play the horn before you buy it: go strictly on reputation and price. If you can't get a Mark VI and need further information, there's some broad in here who's owned every freaking saxophone ever made, Sherry or Sheryl or something, she can probably tell you which one's the best.

You will also need some accoutrements: a flight case capable of withstanding atmospheric pressure of dP = - Dg dz where D and g are, respectively, the density of air and the acceleration due to gravity at the altitude of the air layer and dz is a horizontal layer of air having unit surface area and infinitesimal thickness; a metronome; a tuner; a combination alto, tenor, and baritone sax stand with pegs for oboe, bass clarinet, flute, English horn and bassoon; Band in a Box; every Jamie Abersold play-along record ever pressed; a reed cutter; swabs, cleaners, pad savers, pad dope, pad clamps; a Sennheiser Digital 1092 Wireless Microphone; an effects rig with digital delay and parametric EQ; and a 200 watt per channel (minimum) amplifier with 18" monitor.

It will be helpful if you listen to lots of sax players. Unfortunately, listening to players you like is the worst thing you can do. To really understand the music and its traditions, you have to go back to the beginning and work forward. I'd start with madrigals and listen to every note of music ever recorded. Once you get to the 20th century, pay particular attention to Jimmy Dorsey and Sidney Bechet, the wellsprings of the modern jazz saxophone. In no time at all, or by 2034, whichever comes first, you'll be able to understand the unique be-bop stylings of players like Ace Cannon, Boots Randolph and Grover Washington Jr.

Oh, yeah. To play the sax itself, blow in the small end and wiggle your fingers a little.

- from allower.com courtesy of an old college friend

Road Map: Total Eclipse of the Heart

This is awesome! I should quite writing songs in A, B, and C forms and just stick with flowcharts!

via Kate.

Morning Cup: Harry Potter & the Mysterious Ticking Noise

This video may be 2 years old, but I was just introduced to it this summer when a camper in my Theory I class brought in the audio for our listening day.  The entire class not only knew it and sang along, but one camper even asked if we could make up our own version of the song.  I jumped on the chance to take a break from harmonic and melodic scales and work on rhythms.

I started off trying to have the kids conceive rhythms that I would then write on the board and we would read.  Turns out this took all the fun out of the game so I switched tactics, went to the piano and began to plop out a simple oom pah in C major.  We then preceded to go round robin around the room having each camper layer their own rhythm using fruit names (don't ask) on top of the collective song.  This was much more fun as they could improvise freely without having to figure out exactly what they were singing.  I then had them come up with  a couple of variations on their rhythm.  I told them to listen to the piano and when the chord changed they were to change variations. 

The whole exercise worked out pretty well.  Some kids were better at  it than others when it came to making up interesting rhythms or filling in space, etc.  Others really excelled at hearing the chord change and lead the class to the new variation.  Some of the kids were a little shy and I could barely hear them but as long as they were participating, that's all I cared about (I most definitely would have been one of the quiet ones!).  In the end it proved to be a great lesson in rhythmic improvisation and ear training.  Thanks Potter Puppet Pals!

42nd Street Pan Flutist

Apparently someone didn't get the memo!

(as seen this past weekend by me in the 42nd Street subway)

In case you were wondering...

Ouch! Sorry pan flautists!

I got this in an email awhile back via ks and thought it was pretty funny. Though really, I think it would have been funnier, and more apt speaking as a composer who is hated by many alto sax players, if the flow chart referred to alto flute instead of pan flute!

While most would be wise to follow this chart's advise, here is one person who can safely rebel:

2009

Photo: John Javellana/Reuters

2009. The Year of the Visionary:

The numerology for 2009 begins with the Master Number 11/2 (2+0+0+9=11 or 2). It's the first 11 year to occur since 1910! Marked by change powered by visionary and humanitarian ideals, the 11/2 Universal Year will crackle with energy. And as long as people remember to occasionally interrupt the flow of inspiration and innovation to actually get things done, 2009 should be a very successful year!

Any time a Master Number is prominent, energies are magnified. And 2009 promises to be momentous, not just for you personally (see details below), but for everyone in the world who lives by the modern calendar.

History lesson
The Apollo 11 mission, which landed the first men on the moon, is a great example of the power of 11/2's visionary focus. Across the globe more people than ever before gathered in front of televisions to share that first step onto the familiar face of the moon, and to see the first whole images of our beautiful planet suspended in space. The whole world was uplifted and changed that day.

This year should be particularly eventful for those of us affected by US President Elect Barak Obama and Vice President Elect Joe Biden who both have 11/2 as their Destiny/Life Path/Power number and take the Oath of Office on a 2 day, January 20, 2009.

Your year
If you want to know what's in store for you this year, just calculate your Destiny/Power/Life Path number by adding together your birth day, month and year until you have either a single digit or the Master Number 11 or 22. For example, for President Elect Obama, born on August 4, 1961, add 8+4+1+9+6+1 = 29 = 2 + 9 = 11/2. It's interesting to note that the influence of 11/2 derived from 29, as in Obama's case, adds leadership ability to 11's defining visionary capacities.

If you're a:

1 - This year should be very entertaining! There will be plenty of exciting and innovative ideas to fuel your busy entrepreneurial nature. If the 11/2 energy occasionally slips into 2's indecisiveness and passivity, when the vision loses focus, you'll get everyone back on track.

2 - The power of this year's master number vibration could make this one of the most important years of your life, and one that could awaken your own inner visionary activist. You're just the person to be sure everyone's getting what they need from the vision.

3 - The visionary and artistic possibilities of 11/2 appeal to you strongly, and your flair for communications and presentation make you a critical member of any team wanting to make an 11/2 vision a reality. And your sense of fun will help keep it light.

4 - You may occasionally worry if people are having too much fun imagining a better future to actually get anything done, but that's the very reason you're so important to the process! Someone has to remind the idea folks of practical realities and keep everyone on task.

5 - Be careful not to get so busy firing terrific ideas back and forth that you forget to actually do something about them! Your job is to inspire others to use this 11/2 year to take the chances that really promise far-reaching rewards.

6 - Your commitment to balance, social responsibility and healing will be fired up this year, and your reliability and tenacity in getting the job done will assure plenty of rewards for both you and the causes that are dear to your heart.

7 - Don't let your passion for contemplation keep you from joining the visionary party this year! You have a lot of insights and innovations to contribute. Just be sure to wrap up each mental journey with an action plan - and then get someone to do it!

8 - This year's big ideas are in need of your drive, ambition and practical efficiency to bring the visions into form. You have the knowledge, connections and skill which are needed to harvest the bright futures that will sprout this year.

9 - You won't have to look far this year to find partners to help you actualize your humanitarian and artistic dreams. There is practically an inexhaustible supply of energy and possibility available all around you -if you've been waiting, now's the time!

11 - This year is so supercharged for 11's that you really need to develop a metaphorical grounding wire for all that electricity. Whether it's a practical person, a meditation, or physical activity, make regular use of that grounding so the rest of us can benefit from your supercharged visions.

22 - What the world needs now are plenty of 22's, the perfect practical, powerful and accomplished actualizers for the year's magical innovations. Even the most unlikely 22's can demonstrate the important skill of leaping into the unknown and landing on your feet.

The challenge for 2009 and the following years will be to assure that real results grow from the influences and your vision of your Master Number.

Taken entirely from CaliforniaPsychics.com.

(My number, as it happens, is 8. Not my favorite number- I prefer 3 or 7 or 11. But I like this forecast for '09 and look forward to making my visions into reality!)

Bottomless Picture of the Day: Orange Mocha Frappuccinos!

I'm not one for political commentary, but I do love Zoolander. So when this image, titled "Sarah who?...we got this!" appeared in my inbox courtesy of my sister, after laughing my ass off, I felt obliged to share.

Enjoy!

No Pants Subway Ride

Today is No Pants Subway Ride day!!!

Organized by Improv Everywhere, this NYC based group frequently "causes scenes of chaos and joy in public places" - over 70 missions to date!

The No Pants Subway Ride is exactly as it sounds. Volunteers meet, board assigned trains, then on cue take off their pants and continue to ride the next couple of trains sans pants. When asked about the bizarre before, they respond with "I was getting a bit uncomfortable" or "Yes, I am a bit cold," or my favorite "I guess I forgot my pants this morning."

Only in New York? Not at all! You can be pantless in Boston, DC, Portland, San Fran, Chicago, Adelaide (Australia), and Toronto!

If you are NYC local, they start at 3:00 today and will be pantless on the 6 train running from the Brooklyn Bridge up to 125th, back down to Union Station.

What to volunteer? Check out their website and the rules first!

Guess the Manor House Girls aren't the only ones who enjoy hanging out sans pants.

Time to finally get that star tattoo...

Which Power Ring would come to you?

You have the ability to instill great love in others.Welcome to the Star Sapphire Corps. Your mission will be explained in detail following your teleportation to sector 1416 and training by the head of our corps, the Zamarons.
Take this quiz!








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Thanks for the link, Ragnell.

Pachelbel Rant

(Thanks, Red!)